Reasons I don't want a lot of people to know it's because I hate being talked about though I know that's beyong my control. Even if I tweet about it, there are only 67 followers on my list and out of them, only 3 of them really knows what's going on. Plus, I may write about him on my blog, only a few knows about this site and I only write what's on the surface, the obvious.

I figured that the more people knows about what's really going on, the more drama there is. The higher the chance someone will come and mess it up.

Do you know what it feels like to have a connection with someone mentally? Do you know what it feels like when you find yourselves in the same place and time? No verbal communication nor text messages but you manage to see each other in the most unexpected way? Every moment whenever you see each other, stomach is filled with fluttering butterflies and mind exploding with joy.

I remember the first time I met him on a hot and humid day at the canteen three years ago. When I got there, I rang my best friend because we were going to meet each other. Surprised, a man's voice picked up and said,

"Hello? Sino to'?"

I replied
"Hello? Si Michelle to'. Sino to? Paki bigay naman nung cellphone kay Rosa."

in turn he replied,

"Nasa canteen kami sa tapat ng Paotsin."

and he put down the phone. Later did I found out it was Blue whom I talked to.

So I went over and saw a bunch of guys sitting with my best friend. She then introduced me to them,

"Friend, si Blue at si Jude. Guys, si Mich."
and I said Hi.
The first thought that came to mind was,
"Eto pala yung crush ni bff. Okay naman pala."

She got up and excused herself and off we went to the comfort room.

I remember telling her what I thought of him and that I honestly didn't think he was that attractive but to her, he was dreamy. I couldn't see why.

Time passed, lots of things took place and I won't be naming them all but I'm glad to be where we are right now. 

Hello there! :)

Work Hard in Silence, Let Success Make The Noise - Frank Ocean

It was a hot and humid day. I wore a two parter outfit today because I thought it was going to be a cold day but I was wrong. So I perspired profusely every time I stayed longer outside classrooms and I got lethargic. My eyes were closing by itself before professors came in and I was unable to give my full concentration in class. By the time before Mechanics 2 which was the last lecture for the day, I really wanted to skip class. I mean it was just for the first cause I couldn't stay awake any longer but my friend insisted that I shouldn't. 

So, I attended the class and soon Prof. Tabalba came in and he seemed pretty serious today than usual. He started writing the questions and drew the figures were to be discussed in the classroom but he left out the solutions. I figured he was going to call up students to solve it on the board and I had a feeling he would call on me again but I was too tired so I avoided eye contact, hoping I wouldn't be called. Just as I looked up, professor called my name and I was like, "Aww man.."

Got up and solved it in the way he likes it to be. Neat and tidy, free body diagrams in different colors of markers that indicated the various forces and its directions and no shortcuts. Glad that he was pleased with my work but I never saw this one coming,

"Ms. Castillo, see me after class. I want to talk to you."

I didn't know whether or not it was a good thing to be called upon after class, I got worried and excited at the same time. The bell rung, all my classmates had left the room and I walked towards the table where he was sitting. 

Professor Tabalba: Ms. Castillo, I appreciate the effort you put in to make sure that your solutions are neat and tidy. Also, I can see in class that you are attentive. Nakikita ko na seryoso ka sa pag aaral mo. However, I am worried about your grade because you didn't perform well in the first quiz, bakit?

Me: Sir, it's because I didn't know that I shouldn't do a shortcut in my solutions and therefore, I got a low grade due to deductions plus I got one of the questions wrong.

Professor Tabalba: I see, (paused for a moment) I really want to help you. Ganito na lang, do well for your last homework.. I'll be at the faculty everyday, you can consult me before 3pm. Do well.

Me: Sige po, Thank you Sir!

I walked out of the room feeling like a child got a sticker for her good conduct in class! It felt really good to have my efforts appreciated. I haven't felt this way for a really long time and the last time I was praised by a teacher in terms of academics was when I was in secondary school. I couldn't help but smile on the way home.

I will never forget this day. To God Be All The Glory.

Kung nalaman mong na mayroon kayo di-pagkakaunawaan na mangyayari sa inyong dalawa, ipagpapatuloy mo pa ba kung ano yung meron sa inyo ngayon?

Hawig niya kapatid ko nung bata pa siya. 😙

Big Deal? I disagree

Okay I read an older post of mine about flashbacks. Hahahaha! I actually wrote that. I mean it's silly of me to have written something so emotional. Well,I don't really read my posts after I've published them cause it's just me writing and then I forget all about it. I didn't know how deep I could actually get when something becomes a big deal for me. It's true when something was a big deal to you, you'll just laugh it out in the future.

Anyway, I had a wonderful week. Hmm, first it's because of the results I got; my cousins are back from Saudi; spent quality time with three of my best friends and finally, he opened up. 🎊

THANK YOU LORD. I haven't been a good person most of the time, yet you never fail to ahower me with blessings.

That explains why,,

Yes, I shop and dress up especially when I go out. Typical casual but girly outfit but..

Eons ago, I was more into robots and racing cars than barbie dolls. I think the only girly thing I played with was the cooking stuff and whenever the family went back to the Philippines, I would spend almost every afternoon playing with my cousin's toys cause they were that cool to me (especially the magnets).

Every time we boarded the plane (until now), I always took a peek at the cockpit and I looked up to the Pilots because I figured they are really awesome people that could fly a big jet like that.

With regards to my course now, it had something to do at how I loved looking at the work that Daddy brought back home with all the blueprints and electrical stuff. 

Sports is my life just like Daddy. I admire him for the passion he has for basketball. Even if he was tired from work, he would always take the time off to go to the park which had a court to play. Of course he would tag Ericka and I along. We played badminton while waiting for Daddy. Swimming and table tennis, I inherited those genes from him. Throw in the eagerness to play billiards too, if that counts as a sport.

So, with all of that boyish side of mine, I've always wanted an older brother to play with and protect me. How does it feel like to have someone who stand by me and could get along well with my boyish character? It's a question that will always linger on my mind. My dad acts as an older brother especially in times of jokes. And he is the man that I started punching and hitting whenever he joked around with me. Guess that's why I tend to hit, punch or pinch guys that I'm close with. However, I bet it's still different to have an older brother. The one that would've told those kids that used bullied me in school,
"HEY YOU! BOG OFF MY SISTER!"
or something similar. The one that would've helped me with a homework. The one that I would've given me advice on my love life. You know, typical older brother. Oh well, thank God he gave me close guy friends. I mean to at least compensate for the yearning I have to have an older brother.

Not that I don't appreciate what I have now, my two sisters and younger brother because I love them with all my heart. I love them so much that if anything bad should happen to them, let it befall upon me instead. God's will, they're doing great. 

Okay, this post makes me miss DADDDDYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!

Move On

A friend named Jennie asked me,

"Mich, paano mo masasabing naka move-on ka na? as in yung 100%?"
in English, she asked how would you know you're totally over someone.

Based on my experience, you know you've moved on when you can finally be yourself in front of him, no awkwardness. It doesn't feel anything when you hear the sound of their name. You no longer turn subconsciously when you hear his voice nor does it not send butterflies in your stomach. Their presence nor absence does not even make a difference.  Should there be a bitter past, it doesn't hurt anymore. When people ask what happened, the story is just a story, no nostalgic feeling to it.
On your part, you're willing to become friends again should there be a chance. You may still care, but it is only at the surface. Most of all, you can be happy for him no matter what happens.

HAHAHAH! These are my raw words, no editing, fast typed. I mean corny and so much feels as it can be, it's never really easy getting over someone so yea, one should be proud when they've moved on. ^.^

Dear Old Friend..

Hey Jude

It's that kind of moment when out the sea of people, it's him that I recognise. I just know it. Even it was just the back of his head.

It's just that I want to dedicate this post to Jude and that I want him to know that he is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Though we had it rough and awkward before but I'm glad that we're okay now.

GOALS MUST BE MET

The past few months has been a breeze for me, everything seemed to be at ease. Sure it never put a toll on me but I realized that I am not going after my goals.

My goals are or rather were:
-Get good grades
-Focus on the important stuff
-Love life can wait
-Put all personal matters aside
-Keep motivated
-Be positive
-Forget the year before

All of these were my long term goals and guide through college, but what happened? I was doing the exact opposite. I spent to much time pondering and paying attention to unimportant stuff. I've let my education go wary; not that I don't have feelings for him but it distracts me at the same time; personal matters does get in the way when I'm in school; motivation does not last very long and I definitely haven't let go of the matters of yesteryear.

There was definitely a price to pay. I've been getting a failing grade every term. Rarely did I get an all passing grade. There will always be this one subject that would slip out of my hands then I get all frustrated when I receive my grade at the end of the term. It's entirely my fault. Though there are other factors to put in, it is still my grade, my transcript to decide. It's still a far sight from graduating.

Therefore, I decided to pen down my new goals and objectives for the year. I want the old Michelle back. The one who was competitive in class, the one who could juggle her time efficiently. I used to be that girl back in secondary school. Where was that girl? I want to be like that again. This time I will make results speak for itself. I won't brag or tell anyone about it.

#REVENGE

To

Dear you,

Not that I'm judging you. It's the person you turned out to be.

How could you actually want to ruin a relationship? How is it that you became a wingman for a guy that wants to hit on a girl that is taken? Would you put yourself in her boyfriend's shoes? Could you ruin it even more?

Yes I know it's none of our business and given the fact you've disassociated yourself. You've changed so much.

I thought you were the kind of person who respected others. I thought you actually had regards for other's feelings. Finally, I thought you were kind. I was wrong. Maybe you didn't really change. Maybe it is the real you, because if you love your friends, you don't destroy them.

Sincerely, your old friends may not be perfect but we actually cared up to this day. You disappointed us so much. We actually asked around how were you doing. We want the old you.

Yes it's you! The one and only! You know who you are should you come to read my blog.

Strong willed or Stubborn?

It's easy to say, "I give up" when things gets hard but there's always this part of me that say, "Try it again". Try and try again until my patience runs dry, till my I'm tired and hurt. Sometimes, I wish there would be some sign to tell me when to stop trying my hardest. Then again, how would I know that it's really over unless I've tried anything possible to get it? 

Maybe it's because I hate regrets. I hate having to think 'What ifs?' in the future. I mean I've done a lot of things. Good and bad stuff. At the end of the day, at least I can say that "Hey, I didn't give up and gave it my all."

On the contrary, sometimes, I feel that my efforts are in vain when I don't get what I aimed for or something that I tried to save. Sometimes, it feels like I just set fire to the efforts I've put in.

I don't know if I am a strong-willed girl or plain stubborn. Yeap I'm talking about my grades and yea applicable to other things.

Fickle-minded Michelle strikes again.

Time together

Imagine, your family and his family bonding together. It's the best feeling ever. :)

Feeling free

Like I said in my last post, I was mortified because I've been getting flashbacks.

After two day of fun, it's gone. One thing, I realized that I'm glad that I did have those flashbacks. Why? It's because for me, it's a sign that it was true. I really enjoyed myself. I felt for real. I acted without thinking. No pretence, no mind games. It was evident to some of my friends. I couldn't hide. At least I know for myself, I did all that I did because of what I felt all those times. Dramatic and crazy as it was. I want to say it was wrong but I can't, because it was true.

I didn't lose anything and to be real, I actually learned a valuable lesson. Not that I didn't know this before, but it is only now that it did sink in to me. "People come and go." Indeed it is a simple phrase, but it took me this long to finally understand. Sad but true.

Now I feel so much better. :D

Flashbacks

I've been getting flashbacks lately of last summer and some things. It all started when I had a dream of how happy we were eating at Shakey's Glorietta. I woke up crying. Is this just because I have too much time in my hands? I must not feel and think about it. How do I stop it? Sometimes, I think about the reason behind why it ended; of the devasting thing before the year ended just so that I can stop but after awhile it keeps coming back. I thought I had completely got that out of my mind, and now it's like a horrible dream. Horrible because those were the good memories that now has changed so much that I wish I could bring it back again. I keep thinking why did it have to end and why do people have to change? It's driving me crazy.

Perhaps I really had the time of my life back then. I really thought those moments would last because at that time, it was perfect for me. Then one night, it all shattered with just one incident that was never spoken nor clarified of. I was dismayed and I found it hard to become me again. Some said that I've changed.  That was because I was really hurt. I then understood why people said "Pain changes people". 

Time passed, everything changed the moment the new year came in. I found me again. Thank God everything was looking up. In every part of my life. It seemed like the new year paved way to new things, thus it made me forget. Though sometimes, I am reminded of  it because of the people around me asking about it, I simply brushed it off. Without planning nor expecting anything, good things happened. Maybe it was because things fall apart so that better things can come together. I was happy again. One of the main reasons was because of someone. No, not because I am looked for someone new. It's the way he is. It's something about him that inspires me so much and honestly I've never felt this way before.

But, now that I have a lot of free time, too much free time, my mind is wandering off again. Revisiting and rethinking of things that I SHOULDN'T be thinking of. It's unfair. I've got to accept that things will never be the same again, and thinking and mourning about it will not bring it back. I love what I have now and I can't bear to lose it all just because I looked back. It was just a bad dream.

I want ice cream. 

La Amiga and Amigos

I was watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. 

They remind me of my siblings-God-forgot-to-give-me. I love them because,

-They turn my frown into smile effortlessly.

-They pick me up when I'm down. 

-They don't get tired of listening to my dramarama over and over again. 

-When I'm sick, they send me home even when I refuse. 

-I get hit or pinched like how my mom does it to me. 

-They get really furious with people who hurt me when I just feel angry and forget about it. 

-When I login to my facebook account after days of going missing in action, it's their message that I see asking how am I doing. 

-They've seen me without make-up, vomit, sick and unkept hair.

-They've seen me at my worst.

-They forgave me for the wrong I did to them before.

-They don't mind how crazy I can get.

-Sometimes, they react more than I do when I tell them about mi lovelife. (yeap you can understand that when it's a girl but for the two guys heheheh)

-It's crazy how we talk over the phone for HOURS!

-Most of all, I love them for who they are and should they read this, they know themselves that I'm referring to. :)

No this is not an April's fool post. It's really what I feel right now cause I'm out of town and it'll be awhile till I post again. Happy Vacation! 

Lakwatsera

Lakwasera si Ederlin.
The best part of going out, you get to see the different horizons of life. Be it local or overseas. For that matter, I'm glad I have parents who are understanding enough to let me venture out on my own, anytime and anywhere I want. Maybe it's because they were really strict with me in my younger days. I mean, which parents would not be worried about the danger that is always there lurking in every corner? Rapists, robbers, murderers, you name it, they're are everywhere. Nonetheless, if you let this get into your head, you're never going to grow individually. Faith in God is all I need to get to my destinations safely. Words from a girl who likes to go out. :P

I believe that every bad thing that happens to us always has a reason behind it. Be it good or bad, there is a lesson to be learned. Some can be explained mainly because of the decision we made; while some cannot be explained mainly because it was meant to redirect us, correct and teach us a valuable lesson.

Him

I can't find the words to express how happy I really am right now. It's the kind where I'm just living the moment and taking it as it is. Just seeing him and talking to him makes my day. He inspires me to do well.

He is the kind of person that when you first see him, you'd think he's the "bad boy". Actually, when you get to know him, he's really funny, polite and humble.

Thank you God for him.

Love is friendship set on fire.

A friend confided her problem with me last night. I had the same problem way back then and all I could say was, "Tropa lang kung tropa kasi masisira friendship niyo."

It's sad cause what started of as a great friendship whereby sometimes you guys even think alike, now has turned into two people that just know each other by names. You try to bring it back but it's just weird and you try again, it hurts even more. Then again, she made a point, "Di ko naman ineexpect na magkakagusto ka doon sa tropa kong yun' e. Parang bigla nalang naging ganun. Di ba ako din nag sabi dati na pag tropa, tropa lang talaga. Ano na gagawin ko Michhh."

I was dumbfounded HAHAHAH! Obviously, I'm not exactly the advice kind of person but I can be the person whom someone can trust with their problems to and a muscular shoulder to cry on HUEHUEHUE!!!!!! :D

Byebye!

Let's bring it back. :)

Hi!!

I'm back to writing on my blog. Just a past time, I don't really write and when I do, mostly it's just what I feel. Well, it says that the last time I posted was in the year 2007, THAT LONG! Back then, this site was www.blogspot.com (just to share).

It's amazing how my life has unfolded to what it is today and I'm gonna quote my 'About Me' section was 7 years ago,

"HEY HEY!! I'm a Catholic=) I like hanging out,going to the movies&SHOPPING!!=D and oh did I say I love going to the beach?! I like sports esp table tennis& swimming=) I love my family and friends! I like listening to hyped up music! Well there are pros and cons in life..ssoo I hate rotting at home so I tend to disturb whoever comes into my mind hehex!I dislike people who are biased and unfriendly! I dislike people who shirk their responsibility or feels that they can fulfil their obligations but cant tsk tsk!I dislike peole who are too serious or rather don't get jokes at all cuz they are borin and!!I dont like reading story books! That's bout me =D"

So Imma introduce myself again as the 20 year old me.

Hi! Michelle Ederlin Castillo, preferred to be called as Ederlin. Currently taking up B.S.E.E. My hobbies are swimming and table tennis. I love my family and close friends dearly. Open minded and still improving on it. I still laugh a lot! Definitely a catholic and I believe in "what goes around, comes around". That's all thank you. It feels like first day of class when I have to stand up introduce myself to the class. :P

I remember writing on my blog cause it was the "in" kinda thing back in secondary school though I really hated writing essays in english class. But yea it was a way for my friends to know how my day went, felt and all. Life was only about sports, studies and church back then.

Now, to start off, I'm no longer in Singapore but in the Philippines. Life here is definitely different. If I'm gonna write my 4 years of stay here, Imma write a novel but if it can be summed up in just one word, it has been phenomenal.