Flashbacks

I've been getting flashbacks lately of last summer and some things. It all started when I had a dream of how happy we were eating at Shakey's Glorietta. I woke up crying. Is this just because I have too much time in my hands? I must not feel and think about it. How do I stop it? Sometimes, I think about the reason behind why it ended; of the devasting thing before the year ended just so that I can stop but after awhile it keeps coming back. I thought I had completely got that out of my mind, and now it's like a horrible dream. Horrible because those were the good memories that now has changed so much that I wish I could bring it back again. I keep thinking why did it have to end and why do people have to change? It's driving me crazy.

Perhaps I really had the time of my life back then. I really thought those moments would last because at that time, it was perfect for me. Then one night, it all shattered with just one incident that was never spoken nor clarified of. I was dismayed and I found it hard to become me again. Some said that I've changed.  That was because I was really hurt. I then understood why people said "Pain changes people". 

Time passed, everything changed the moment the new year came in. I found me again. Thank God everything was looking up. In every part of my life. It seemed like the new year paved way to new things, thus it made me forget. Though sometimes, I am reminded of  it because of the people around me asking about it, I simply brushed it off. Without planning nor expecting anything, good things happened. Maybe it was because things fall apart so that better things can come together. I was happy again. One of the main reasons was because of someone. No, not because I am looked for someone new. It's the way he is. It's something about him that inspires me so much and honestly I've never felt this way before.

But, now that I have a lot of free time, too much free time, my mind is wandering off again. Revisiting and rethinking of things that I SHOULDN'T be thinking of. It's unfair. I've got to accept that things will never be the same again, and thinking and mourning about it will not bring it back. I love what I have now and I can't bear to lose it all just because I looked back. It was just a bad dream.

I want ice cream.