Strong willed or Stubborn?

It's easy to say, "I give up" when things gets hard but there's always this part of me that say, "Try it again". Try and try again until my patience runs dry, till my I'm tired and hurt. Sometimes, I wish there would be some sign to tell me when to stop trying my hardest. Then again, how would I know that it's really over unless I've tried anything possible to get it? 

Maybe it's because I hate regrets. I hate having to think 'What ifs?' in the future. I mean I've done a lot of things. Good and bad stuff. At the end of the day, at least I can say that "Hey, I didn't give up and gave it my all."

On the contrary, sometimes, I feel that my efforts are in vain when I don't get what I aimed for or something that I tried to save. Sometimes, it feels like I just set fire to the efforts I've put in.

I don't know if I am a strong-willed girl or plain stubborn. Yeap I'm talking about my grades and yea applicable to other things.

Fickle-minded Michelle strikes again.

Time together

Imagine, your family and his family bonding together. It's the best feeling ever. :)

Feeling free

Like I said in my last post, I was mortified because I've been getting flashbacks.

After two day of fun, it's gone. One thing, I realized that I'm glad that I did have those flashbacks. Why? It's because for me, it's a sign that it was true. I really enjoyed myself. I felt for real. I acted without thinking. No pretence, no mind games. It was evident to some of my friends. I couldn't hide. At least I know for myself, I did all that I did because of what I felt all those times. Dramatic and crazy as it was. I want to say it was wrong but I can't, because it was true.

I didn't lose anything and to be real, I actually learned a valuable lesson. Not that I didn't know this before, but it is only now that it did sink in to me. "People come and go." Indeed it is a simple phrase, but it took me this long to finally understand. Sad but true.

Now I feel so much better. :D

Flashbacks

I've been getting flashbacks lately of last summer and some things. It all started when I had a dream of how happy we were eating at Shakey's Glorietta. I woke up crying. Is this just because I have too much time in my hands? I must not feel and think about it. How do I stop it? Sometimes, I think about the reason behind why it ended; of the devasting thing before the year ended just so that I can stop but after awhile it keeps coming back. I thought I had completely got that out of my mind, and now it's like a horrible dream. Horrible because those were the good memories that now has changed so much that I wish I could bring it back again. I keep thinking why did it have to end and why do people have to change? It's driving me crazy.

Perhaps I really had the time of my life back then. I really thought those moments would last because at that time, it was perfect for me. Then one night, it all shattered with just one incident that was never spoken nor clarified of. I was dismayed and I found it hard to become me again. Some said that I've changed.  That was because I was really hurt. I then understood why people said "Pain changes people". 

Time passed, everything changed the moment the new year came in. I found me again. Thank God everything was looking up. In every part of my life. It seemed like the new year paved way to new things, thus it made me forget. Though sometimes, I am reminded of  it because of the people around me asking about it, I simply brushed it off. Without planning nor expecting anything, good things happened. Maybe it was because things fall apart so that better things can come together. I was happy again. One of the main reasons was because of someone. No, not because I am looked for someone new. It's the way he is. It's something about him that inspires me so much and honestly I've never felt this way before.

But, now that I have a lot of free time, too much free time, my mind is wandering off again. Revisiting and rethinking of things that I SHOULDN'T be thinking of. It's unfair. I've got to accept that things will never be the same again, and thinking and mourning about it will not bring it back. I love what I have now and I can't bear to lose it all just because I looked back. It was just a bad dream.

I want ice cream. 

La Amiga and Amigos

I was watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. 

They remind me of my siblings-God-forgot-to-give-me. I love them because,

-They turn my frown into smile effortlessly.

-They pick me up when I'm down. 

-They don't get tired of listening to my dramarama over and over again. 

-When I'm sick, they send me home even when I refuse. 

-I get hit or pinched like how my mom does it to me. 

-They get really furious with people who hurt me when I just feel angry and forget about it. 

-When I login to my facebook account after days of going missing in action, it's their message that I see asking how am I doing. 

-They've seen me without make-up, vomit, sick and unkept hair.

-They've seen me at my worst.

-They forgave me for the wrong I did to them before.

-They don't mind how crazy I can get.

-Sometimes, they react more than I do when I tell them about mi lovelife. (yeap you can understand that when it's a girl but for the two guys heheheh)

-It's crazy how we talk over the phone for HOURS!

-Most of all, I love them for who they are and should they read this, they know themselves that I'm referring to. :)

No this is not an April's fool post. It's really what I feel right now cause I'm out of town and it'll be awhile till I post again. Happy Vacation!